i think everyone enjoys makin me mad or sad with the occasional tears.
ive been like this for the last week, if i tell someone they would say its coz i lost my aunt and she had been cremated yesterday...but its a bit of that and my friends.
im not the person to tell someone if they hurt me, i just let it stay inside me and never speak of it, thats the way ive always been since i was little.
only about 10 mins ago my mum did it to me, made me feel so bad that i never went visited my aunt before the cancer, my reason for that was her dog...he use to attack me for god damn no reason!
not to mention i got some of my grandmother and great grandmothers jewellery, so she decided to say "see..they [as in my aunt and uncle] thought of u as their daughter" well i began to cry and tell her is she happy i feel bad.
my dad told her how i took it and she said she was sorry only to say she meant by what i said the other night, how u dont know when ur times up...still that hurt coz she was still sayin what she said before.
what angers me is that the only people as in friends to talk to me r those from myspace, Bec, Jess and Kalea r the only ones...
then i see photos of friends havin fun with my other friends...u dont think it hurts and makes me feel as if im not wanted? that im not that much of a friend, or no friend at all?
well i want to tell u all to go fuck ur selves! no more, i wont deal with it anymore! im not goin to be a friend of someone who doesnt want me around...so when we go back to school i say fuck off and leave me alone!
this year im not goin to take that shit, deal with friends who think im nothin and peoples feelings, im goin to be a bitch and tell anyone off who thinks of me as a friend but doesnt include me.
im sick of being everyones doormat, so no more! dont like it just fuck off then coz i dont need u if u werent even there! i guess i will just lock myself away and throw away the key, become incased in my writing and forget the real world.
i know its not healthy but thats going to happen very soon, after all i want to be a writer of fanfiction and novels. give my life to my writing sounds good coz i dont even have one, i dont think i have a bf anymore, family is pissin me off and everyone makes me feel useless and unwanted...so what more is there to keep me goin? nothin thats what!
if i dont do another entry u now know why...im dead to this world and now am happy in my own world. goodbye.